Captain's Pet
by Cadence Barrick
Summary: Captain Piett finds a strange object one morning while getting ready for his shift. It turns out to be a little more than he bargained for. Will he become attached to the little monster or will he end up putting its dismembered carcass down the trash bin.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I hope you read this cause I'm only saying it once. I DON'T OWN SHIT except for Cretin.

This is another one of those random-pet-accumulation-on/in-Imperial-facility fics.

Captain's Pet

Chapter 1 - It's Beautiful Morning

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beebeep! Beebeep! Beebeep! Bee-wha-CRUNCH!

Shuffle, shuffle…clink!

The harsh light of the overhead fixture filled the room revealing a pale arm extending from the large comforter burrito near the right edge of the king-sized bed. The milky appendage was lying across what appeared to be a small pile of plastic shrapnel but was in fact the remains of the once functioning alarm clock. A single dark colored eye peered out from beneath the covers; annoyed by the fact that he could no longer see what time it was. '_What a start to a great morning_,' Captain Piett thought with a heavy sigh as he disentangled himself from the blanket.

The captain didn't even bother making his bed before he meandered over to the refresher in nothing but his boxers to begin his morning routine. On the way there he glanced around at the devastation that was his quarters. He paused briefly to stare in wonder when he spotted his undershirt from the day before dangling from one of the wall lamps above his dresser, '_I'm thankful no one has decided to pay me a visit yet_.'

Piett made it to the bathroom then he remembered he put his watch in the top drawer to the sink. He pulled it out and saw that it was only 0410 (AN: That's 4:10 AM in standard time) which made him feel somewhat relieved since that gave him little less than two and half hours to do as needed. The captain finished off the morning ritual with a shower and quick shave. He left the shower, with a puffy black towel around his waist, as he continued to muss-dry his earth brown hair with a smaller town on his way to the closet. That was until he failed to pay attention to the path he was taking and the state of disarray his room was in.

The captain yelped as he lost balance and face-planted the floor of his quarters while the towel he had been using to dry his hair with landed on his head. He grumbled a couple of curses under his breath before he climbed back onto his feet. Piett looked back to see that the offending object was only his left boot. He was about to forget about it so he could get his clothes out of the closet when he saw something sticking out of the top of it. As he picked up the boot he plucked out the object and turned it over in his hand. However, he decided it could wait until he had finished dressing so he set it down on his desk for later.

Piett pulled a clean undershirt, top shirt and jacket from the closet then set them on the disheveled bed went over to his dresser and snatched up a clean pair of trousers with a pair of black cotton boxers. After he got dressed he went around picking up his dirty clothing from wherever he had chosen to throw it and deposited into the laundry chute. Then he finished up with making his bed before going back into the refresher to get his watch. As he put it on he glanced up to check himself in the mirror and noticed that he had forgotten his bar and cylinders.

After about fifteen minutes of searching the room to no avail, did it dawn on him that he probably sent them down the chute with the jacket he wore yesterday. '_Duh... Why didn't that occur to me sooner_?' he pondered silently with an irritated frown on his face. He thought about grabbing his hat and gloves but he dismissed it feeling it more important to find his rank bar if not his security cylinders.

(AN: I'm sure you've noticed the lack of dialogue. You've got to remember that it's only 4 something in the morning and I don't know a whole lot of people who are really talkative at such an ungodly hour. If they are… They probably need to be tranquilized.)

Captain Piett was thankful that it was still early enough that most of the other occupants of the ship were still fast asleep leaving the hallway deserted. He quickly made his way to the turbo lift and depressed the button for Deck 58 - Custodial Level. The doors closed and the car shot down to the specified deck without any stops. '_Why does this feel almost too good to be true_?' he pondered slightly paranoid but quickly shook the feeling as he got to the laundry room.

Luckily he didn't need his codes to get in so he simply slipped into the room and once he saw that it was deserted as well he looked around for the cart. Or so it seemed deserted until one the workers down there came up behind him and asked what he wanted. He nearly jumped out of his skin but managed to contain himself as he turned around to face the worker. "I'm looking for my jacket. I had forgotten to take my rank bar and cylinders off of it," he informed the man as the irritated frown returned to his face.

"Oh," he grinned almost sadistically and pointed to the huge cart in the very back of the room. '_No huge is a very bad understatement. That thing's almost as big as a shuttle_!' the captain stared at it in horrified awe. "There's a ladder on the other side. Good luck," the worker patted him on the shoulder and left.

It can't be that far under the pile, he thought as he climbed up the ladder. When he got to the top three rungs of it he peered from the edge to the small pile of garments, consisting of about two or three, as the very bottom of the cart. "Great. Just what need to get my morning started. A small wall climbing expedition into the dirty clothing cart," the captain grumbled as he grew even more irritated. He looked around for a rope or something of the sort so he could tie himself to the ladder so as to not get stuck at the bottom of the large laundry cart. The captain then saw some twine coiled up in the right corner behind the cart.

Piett slid down the ladder, grabbed the twine and as he stood up again he noticed a set of tongs sitting on top of one of the folding counters. The captain tied one end of the twine to the back of his belt. He put the rest of the roll on his arm before grabbing the tongs and climbing to the top of the ladder once more. Captain Piett then put the tongs in his mouth so he could tie the other end of the twine to the top rung of the ladder. After making sure it was secure, he grabbed the tongs out of his mouth and then leapt over the edge, into the cart. However, the rope was too short and because it was tied to his belt it gave a sharp jolt to his stomach before coming to a stop only a meter away from where he needed to be.

The captain grasped one of the jackets with the tongs and pulled it to him. He put the tongs back in his mouth so he could use both hands to turn over the garment. Piett immediately spotted the bar and security cylinders. He casually plucked them from the semi-coarse material dropped the jacket and pinned everything where it needed to be. Then the captain pulled himself out of the bin with the rope. Quickly, he untied the rope from himself and the ladder then descended from it to the deck. After he put everything back he took a quick look at his watch. 0520. (AN: That's 5:20 AM) "What the fuck? It's already been an hour?" he sighed in frustration before leaving for the turbo lift.


	2. Chapter 2

Captain's Pet

Chapter 2 – Tag-along That Shit in Our Admiral's Boots

Piett quickly made his way back to the turbo lift and depressed the button to Deck 4 – Senior Officers' Living Quarters. As soon as the car opened the door to the designated floor, he strode up to his door, entered the pass code, stepped inside and locked it as soon as the doors were shut. The overhead light shot on instantly when he hit the switch on the wall. He absentmindedly looked over at his desk and blinked when he saw the object he had pulled out of his boot earlier. Or what was left of it.

The captain walked up to his desk and picked up a couple of the pieces turning them over in his hand. Both sides were black but one of the sides was slightly damp. The shards were very fragile as some of them had broken apart when he picked them up. 'It's almost like a piece of an…' the captain paused as it occurred to him that the item that was on his desk was an egg, 'but if that's the case then it must have hatched considering only pieces of the shell remain.'

Piett glanced as his watch seeing that he only had forty-five minutes to get breakfast and get to his post. "This will have to wai-," The captain was interrupted when the chime to his door rang. He depressed the button to the small comm. on his door, "Who is it?"

"It's Veers. I need to talk to you," came the reply.

The captain opened his door and let the general in. Piett spotted the portable black, leather briefcase, "What's going on?"

Veers opened the top of the case, reached in and attempted to pull whatever it was out but yelped in surprise. The captain could only stare in confusion as a small black form climbed out of the briefcase using the general's arm. It was solid black with four legs, a long slender neck with a triangular shaped head which had small spines on it; on its back were wings that looked big enough to encompass the small creature at least twice and a tail that was about a good foot and a half in length. Its face held small green eyes with slitted pupils in the center of each eye.

"I was hoping you could tell me. Judging by the pile of egg shells on your desk, I'm going to assume that it came from your room," Veers answered with a flat expression while eyeballing the critter on his shoulder, "I found it in the ventilation duct leading from Ozzel's room."

Suddenly, there was a loud shout from behind the wall that separated the captain's room from the admiral's room. This was of course followed by, "SON OF BITCH!" Veers and Piett exchanged glances before staring at the creature, "We might be able to use him as a source of entertainment," the captain offered with smirk before quickly gathering the pile of egg shell and dropping it down the garbage chute.

The other laughed hard at thought of Ozzel being tormented by the strange animal he'd found. After he'd regained composure, "Did you actually bring it on board?"

"Not that I recall. I only found it this morning as I was getting dressed. It was in my boot, I just couldn't avoid it," the captain replied matter-of-factly, leaving out the detail about him actually tripping over it.

"Heh, so how long ago did it hatch?" the general asked curiously.

"I don't actually know because I wasn't in the room at the time," Piett shrugged hoping he wouldn't have to go into the whole laundry room incident.

Of course hoping wouldn't get him anywhere, especially with his current run of luck, "Oh? Where were you then?"

Piett groaned in annoyance, "I really don't wanna talk about it. Although I suppose you're not going to drop it unless I spill, are you?"

"Nope."

"Figures. Well let's just say… I had to go laundry cart diving," the captain admitted with a frown.

(INSERT TIME LAPSE)

Both Captain Piett and General Veers, who was making a painstaking effort to not laugh, walked through the doors to the main bridge, "I still can't believe you actually-!"

The captain sighed heavily, "I knew I wouldn't live it down."

Captain Piett had locked the creature in the refresher with what was left of his breakfast before leaving his room. He just hoped that the little monster wouldn't decide to use the vents again.

"PIETT!"

Both officers nearly jumped out of their skins at the sound of the loud bellow. The captain and the general both turned around to see Admiral Ozzel storming up to them from the crew pit. "Where the hell have been? Your shift started fifteen minutes ago!"

As they were standing there this horrible smell hit the general's smell receptors. The army's commanding officer took his cap from his head and pressed it over the bridge of his nose before replying just at the captain was about to, "Well I think you needed to shower fifteen minutes ago! YESTERDAY in fact! What the fuck have you been rolling in? Did you forget to check yourself?"

Meanwhile, Darth Vader, who had been pacing the bridge in boredom, had been watching the three officers since the admiral had shouted at the top of his lungs. He allowed it to continue because he actually found it mildly entertaining. The admiral had been in the middle of reprimanding the captain but was interrupted by the general who was now giving the admiral a dressing down. Both of the officers facing the admiral had their caps over their faces. The Sith Lord, being unable to resist his own curiosity, decided to randomly investigate this situation plus it would give him a reason to pick on the admiral.

"What's going on?" Vader stopped just behind Ozzel who couldn't contain his yelp of surprise. The Sith Lord grinned behind his mask as the admiral turned to face him.

General Veers was the first to speak albeit still holding his cap to his face, "Lord Vader. This man reeks. It smells like he hasn't bathed in almost a week; no scratch that, a month WHILE being sprayed down with liquid shit and allowed to bake in the middle of the dunes on Tattooine at double noon!"

Lord Vader glanced at the captain, who also had his hat pressed to his face. The man was visibly shaking but he could tell that he was trying not to laugh. Suddenly, he too caught a whiff of the horrible odor. 'What the fuck? It's actually coming through the filter? That's pretty bad.' the dark lord couldn't help but be repulsed by the smell.

"Admiral you will remove yourself from the bridge. You will not be allowed back until you've completely rid of that smell," Lord Vader rumbled, the tone of his voice made the navy's commanding officer shudder.

While the Sith Lord was reprimanded the admiral, Piett elbowed Veers who then pointed at the back of Ozzel's boot, "Is that what I think it is?"

Veers looked and grinned as he spotted the yellowish brown substance that was oozing from the cuff of the admiral's boot. It was starting to drip onto the floor, "Yes. Yes it is."

(I hoped you like it so far. I'm pretty much just making it up off the top of my head. Please review! Thanks!)


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter is heavy on the Ozzel-bashing. So if you don't like that kind of thing… TOO BAD!

Warning: Bored captain

Captain's Pet

Chapter 3 – And the Dark Lord Rolls

It was about mid-shift and everything had since calmed down from the outburst earlier that morning. Captain Piett had to oversee the operations on the bridge because Admiral Ozzel had been ousted from his post due to 'hygiene problems.' Eventually, he came back. Piett looked up when he heard the hiss of the door, and would have gone on with his work but Ozzel caught his gaze. As soon as the admiral spotted him his face turned an interesting shade of purple, while his eyes flared in rage, "YOU! Get up here! NOW!"

Normally, the captain would go out and around the way he was 'supposed' to go but he caught a feeling of urgency and decided to take the shortcut. He had learned of it only a few weeks after he was assigned to the _Executor_. Since the part of the pit that he was in was also the part embedded the deepest in the floor it was handy to know. The shortcut was a wall near the far left corner where there wasn't any machinery hooked up to it. And the machines next to this empty space were positioned in such a way that he could use them as alternating steps.

As he climbed out of the pit and joined his commanding officer, he noticed the strange black form attached to the back of his head. Piett recognized the little beast immediately although refrained from stating so out loud. It wings were flared out; while its claws were nearly going through the man's skull and its long, ropey tail was wrapped firmly around his neck all in an attempt to keep its balance. Instead the captain completely ignored it even when it chirped happily at him like it wasn't even there.

"Yessir?" he inquired with an ignorant blank stare and a hint of curiosity.

"What. The fuck. Is this?" he pointed at the creature with an irritated frown, "I know this vermin is yours. It came flying at me from the vent leading to your quarters. I would appreciate if you could keep your PETS at home."

"Sir, you do know that right in the center of the horizon duct leading from your room to mine; there is a vertical duct that comes up from the lower decks? How do you know that it didn't come from the lower levels?" Piett asked calmly in reply. The captain didn't give a lick if the admiral was partially right. He was going to milk this situation for what it was worth plus it added entertainment to another long and boring shift.

Unfortunately for Ozzel, the young beast seemed to take offence to having random digits in its face and clamped it needle-like teeth into the end of his index finger. "YOW! It fucking bit me," the admiral howled in pain while holding the wounded appendage with his other hand. The commanding officer glared at his subordinate, "I know that somehow this beast is yours. It even recognized you."

"Oh. Really? When?" the captain looked at him with mock curiosity.

Now Ozzel was giving him the '_I know you're toyin' with me_,' look, "Don't play dumb. Didn't you hear it chirping?"

"I'm sorry, sir. I didn't hear anything. Are you sure you're okay?" Piett replied with feigned concern, "You know hearing strange noises that no one else can hear is said to be one of the first signs that you're… well… you know? Not all there."

"Will you quit fucking around? I-!"

The captain decided to throw the man for a loop. His face contorted with mock indignity as he interrupted Ozzel, "Excuse me? I don't see how my personal life is any of your business nor is it relevant to this discussion!" Piett was actually shouted at him. The captain could feel the rest of the crew staring at the unusual spectacle.

"Now you wait just a-!" Ozzel tried to interrupt him but the captain was on a roll.

"For what? You to stalk me in the hallway?" Captain Piett paused while his expression changed from indignant to repulsed, "Ugh! That's absolutely revolting! I don't even swing that way. Please do us all a favor and keep your fantasies to yourself. If you ever try something like that I will be forced to stun blast you."

A couple people in the background snerked.

By now the admiral was seething with rage. He was so infuriated in fact that he failed to notice the door hiss open. Nor did he take note of the heavy steps behind him and neither did he hear the sound of the respirator. Until of course everyone that had been watching hopped back in their chairs and/or to their posts. Even the machines seemed grow quiet. Admiral Ozzel saw the look on the captain's face and proceeded to turn around slowly.

Darth Vader was about to demand why his subordinates were in his way, when the admiral turned around to face him. He noticed immediately the peculiar choice in headgear was in fact a small winged reptile clinging to the admiral's head. The beast watched him with a slight tilt to its head.

"Admiral? Why is there an animal on your head?"

"Why don't you ask him? It came from the vent leading from HIS room," the man jabbed a pudgy finger at the captain.

The dark lord looked from the admiral to the captain, "Well?"

Captain Piett gave a reluctant sigh before explaining everything that had happened from when he woke to the present setting. He didn't leaving anything out this time as it would have been pointless since he knew the Sith Lord could read minds.

"I knew it was yours you lying sack of crap! And I yelled because my hand landed in a pile of SHIT where my alarm clock was supposed to be!"

"That reminds me. Did you ever figure out what was causing that smell this morning?" Piett was straining to keep a straight face while bringing up the events of the start of his shift.

The admiral growled, "Don't even get me started!"

Snerk! The whole situation was utterly ridiculous but Vader could sense that the captain was telling the truth. Trying to picture all of it was unfathomable. Both officers looked up as Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, cracked. Thunderous laughter filled the bridge. He was actually holding on to the side of a machine to keep from falling over with one hand and the other arm was wrapped around to the opposite side.

Subordinates, officers and techs alike, had all but halted in step to observe and many of them were red in the face, making an effort not to laugh. A good handful in the way back actually snorted and at least two people had fallen over in their chairs.


End file.
